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Your Favo(u)rite Novels - TELL ME WHAT THEY ARE

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8 hours ago, John McClane said:

Had anyone read Ready Player One?


Thinking about tackling it before the movie comes out.





Open letter to Ernest Cline’s awful poetry

I saw a tweet about a poem last night. It was written 17 years ago, but is currently on Ready Play One author Ernest Cline’s website.

It’s called “Nerd Porn Auteur,” and it’s somehow more awful than the title would allude.

If this piece of work is no longer representative of its author, it shouldn’t be up on their website, so we must assume that Ernest Cline believes these words he’s spoken— stands by them.

The opening text of Cline’s spoken word opus.

The “poem” is line after line of insults, phrase after phrase pitting women against each other. It’s not just poorly crafted, it’s fucking toxic.

In it, he laments that there are no “porno movies” for guys like him. Because he, dear reader, he’s one of the good ones. He likes smart women, not those dumb porn performers. They’re “stupid and submissive,” have “gargantuan breasts and a three-word vocabulary.” Sorry, dumb sluts, but Ernest Cline doesn’t want you.

He wants “brainy articulate bookworms” in tweed skirts. And he tells us about it, at length, all while placing women into tiny boxes until I feared I’d run out of air. It’s an exercise in veiled put-downs. It’s a meditation on whorephobia. It’s a gross how-to that removes the concept of agency, and tramples on individuality. Everyone is worth shaming, unless you’re Ernest Cline, or a woman Ernest Cline has stamped his seal of approval on.

It’s anti-sex work, and deeply insulting, asserting repeatedly that women in porn are brainless, “cock-hungry nymphos.” Why, they’re barely people!

It goes on to make clear that if you are the opposite of Ernest Cline, you are a “beer-swilling” “alpha-male,” and not the thoughtful, super smart “electronic engineer”esque good guy that Ernest Cline is.

Because, let’s face it, Ernest Cline is a good guy. Why, by the end of the piece, he’s taking applications for his “nerd porn.” Don’t worry, ladies, even if you’re unhappy with your appearance, Ernest Cline will hire you. You just have to pass a nerd test. Because, he’s a great guy — the best! — he just wants to be sure you’re not some fake geek girl. He needs to check that you’ve been buried in a book and not at the gym. He needs to make sure you’re more Madonna than whore.

It ends just as icky as it started.

This is why we need varied voices. “Nerd culture” doesn’t need to be represented by some pseudo-nice guy that proceeds to explain what women should be. I don’t need some smug asshole thinking the way to a woman’s heart is by tearing down others. “It’s from 2000,” you shout from your high horse. Yeah, I got it. And it’s on his site, located at the top of a list, one click away from the mainpage. Ernest Cline could easily remove it if he was embarrassed by the childish laments of his past.

His views on pornography, gender, and relationships are clearly misinformed, and this endless rant highlights his delusion. Women don’t care what you think, Ernest Cline. You are not so different from the imaginary men you admonish in your tome.

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ftr not telling anyone not to read something but personally that kind of puts me off him, and if i were to read his work anyway i would read it with a wary and critical eye, then again i consume a lot of media this way now


i guess in general we should try to consume media with our brains turned on so that we can be sure we are not being negatively influenced while still hopefully enjoying the entertainment value inherent in it


i mean i can't believe i read all 3 twilight books and enjoyed them when i think they are actually creepy as fuck besides the fact that they aren't written very well :W 

lukin? likes this

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I listened to the Will Wheaton audiobook of it at work a few years ago. It was a fine little romp. A bit convoluted and very, very heavy in pop culture references and other nonsense. I remember the author makes a big deal out of how in the VR world all women are idealised avatars of themselves (tall, slim, big tits, etc) but avatar of the girl the main character falls in love with is curvy and short. When they finally meet IRL he sees that her real body is the same as her VR body, but also that... she has a port-wine stain birthmark on her face! He goes on and on about how the main character is such a great guy because he still loves her despite her body being different to the VR world's beauty standards. His preoccupation with that sort of makes sense now looking back with that poem in mind.

ocean and lukin? like this

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I read excerpts of Ready Player One and couldnt believe how much it just reads like fan fiction :lol: 


It was basically "he stepped into the car from knightrider, and when he honked his horn it made the sound the velociraptors make in Jurassic Park, but he didn't mind because he kept it cool like Han Solo."

eeeezypeezy, lukin? and ocean like this

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Also he says in the last line the it's time-traveling, but in the beginning he says that the flux capacitor is nonfunctioning! Which is it Ernest? It can't be both so which is it??? Are you so invested in getting yourself and your audience off by stringing geek references into cohesive sentences that you can't even be bothered to check them for internal consistency?

ant man bee and eeeezypeezy like this

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I never thought twice about reading that book because it sounded terrible and after reading that passage it's even worse than I imagined


One of the better reasons to read nowadays is just getting away from the fucking screen and this book has to remind you of it on a sentence by sentence basis


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